The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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