I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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