dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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