I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
