Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
