Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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