I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
