Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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