i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When did angry sex become our thing?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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