Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize