She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
