your thong is hanging out like whoa
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
