You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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