I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
