I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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