It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize