i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
