her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I deserve this hangover.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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