my mouth tastes like poor choices
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
