I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
