the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
