why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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