Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
