Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
