Dude my mom stole all your condoms
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
