when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
