I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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