The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
