that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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