if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
