Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
