I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize