the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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