I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
