i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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