The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize