hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
