well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
