When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We left an ass print on the piano.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
