Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
