finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i drank out of a bidet.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
