If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize