Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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