Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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