Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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