Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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