id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
