Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
