He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
