I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
