I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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