i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
