I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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