Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
