I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
