i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
