moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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