I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
