No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
