Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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