I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I want a musical about memes.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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