you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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