so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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