He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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