i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
