I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
