You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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