His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
