Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
