Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
