my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
