how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
