There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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