I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
