Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
