if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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