So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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