literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
