Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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