i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
