And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
