his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
