I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
