Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
