I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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