In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
