Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
