He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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