I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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