Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I need water and some morals
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Where are you guys?
Drunk
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize