whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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